dad. its been awhile. you knw, mom came and told me tht she wants to burn a hse for you. not th we're or rather i am superstitious or anything, just tht she having this thought just surprises me. you always use to tell me how much of a loggerhead you both were. but for her to come and tell me, 'im thinking of burnign a hse for your dad. none of you did it, i wonder where your dad is going to stay.' chinese traditional beliefs i knw. but its the thought. the thought of her havingf to do all this for you when she is not obligated.
ive been to see you a couple of times now, wonder if you do knw tht i am there. i still think of you very much dad. and i miss you. all the funerals tht i come by, is making me go crazy. it just brings me the flashbacks of how yours went. thinking back, i wonder how i actually passed through those 4 days at your wake. i knew i had to be strong. especially for mama. but now everytime i go over to visit you at mandai, i cant help but rmbr the funeral, the coffin, the look on your face when you were lying in there. the look on your face when i saw you at the mortury, you not giving me a chance to even say goodbye. perhaps maybe you knw, i wouldnt want to even say bye. perhaps you knw, tht i wouldnt be able to let go.
dad, although everyone is telling me you are at a better place. although everyone is telling me how you are happier with no pains and sufferings anymore, dad, i would still very much like to see you and hear you say tht to me. i miss you daddy. very much. my bday is coming. 21st. the one youve always been wanting to plan and hold for me. the one you have been looking fwd to. more then i did. now you are not around to celebrate it with me anymore. no longer around to call me at 12mn and tell me how much you love me. no longer calling me to ask me what i want for my bday, or even to just wish me a simple, happy birthday. you are always the first to call, first to wish me, and always the one to never forget when my bday is coming. all these tht i took for granted, all these tht now i want will no longer come to me.
everybody has been asking me what i want for my 21st. the thing tht i rrly rrly want, is for you to come back to me. to call me at 12mn. to tell me you love me and to wish me a happy 21st. is for you to hold my hand whenever we go for walks. to hug me like how you always would. to scold me when i throw my tantrums. to nag at me when i head hme late. to call me hme to eat my fav bee hoon you packed back from da ku's hse for me. to always come and pass me my stuffswhen i need it urgently, even coming to give me money. to call me and tell me your problems. to pick me up and bring me around. to nag at me to go to church. to save food for me when you knw i'll be back hme late. to secretly put at angbao beside my bed during my bdays. to always try and encourage me to go for adult cell with you. i want all of these.. can i?
i cant. and i knw i will never be able to enjoy all of these anymore. 21st will no longer be special. because all these are no longer within my grapse. and you are no loner with me.. i love you dad. i rrly do. every other night i am crying. crying and hoping tht i cans ee you when i slp. hear you sing or even feel you close beside me. i miss you. do you knw tht? why did you have to go? why!
i wnat you. i cant call out to you anymor..
Friday, December 5, 2008
Monday, September 01, 2008
7th month came and left. and we havent been to see you. but you knw we're never the superstitious sort. at least for me. to me, what's important is tht you are still in my heart and you'll always be.tht i can assure you dad. no one will ever replace you. (:
so lets see, i guess i dont have to update you much about my life since you would have alrdy knwn right. the ups and downs ive been through this whole month is a torture. but then again, which part of my life isnt a torture? im sorry if you have to see me like this dad. i just hope tht there is smth tht i did which made you proud at least. there is right? maybe now tht you're up there, you're begining to see the things tht ive been hiding from you, you begin the unfold all the lil dark secrets tht i have. dont be disappointed in me please. dont be angry. i hope this is not one of the reason why ive not dreamt of you yet.
dad, you knw i can tell you a thousand times how much i miss you. and i hope tht somehow you are missing me too from wherever you are. i'll go visit you one of these days okay i promise. i love you daddy. i love you very much.
7th month came and left. and we havent been to see you. but you knw we're never the superstitious sort. at least for me. to me, what's important is tht you are still in my heart and you'll always be.tht i can assure you dad. no one will ever replace you. (:
so lets see, i guess i dont have to update you much about my life since you would have alrdy knwn right. the ups and downs ive been through this whole month is a torture. but then again, which part of my life isnt a torture? im sorry if you have to see me like this dad. i just hope tht there is smth tht i did which made you proud at least. there is right? maybe now tht you're up there, you're begining to see the things tht ive been hiding from you, you begin the unfold all the lil dark secrets tht i have. dont be disappointed in me please. dont be angry. i hope this is not one of the reason why ive not dreamt of you yet.
dad, you knw i can tell you a thousand times how much i miss you. and i hope tht somehow you are missing me too from wherever you are. i'll go visit you one of these days okay i promise. i love you daddy. i love you very much.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
94 days since you left me. i havent been over to see you and yes im guilty. dad do you miss me? cause i do alot.
i miss how you would
1.always call me to ask what time im reaching hme.
2.call to ask me to get things done for you. (which i will sulk doing it but now tht i want to i cant anymore)
3. how you would always scold me if i dont wnat to go to church.
4. call me to go for family gatherings and make it compulsory for me.
5. how you call me and talk to me in tht ver stern voice of yours
6. how you would talk to me at ngiht abt kor kor and your probs with tht woman.
7. how sometimes you wouldtell me da ku is cookign my favourite bee hoon and ask me hme to eat.
8. how you always ask if im coming hme tht weekend and i will say no because i wnat to stay at mama's. i shld have went hme more often.
9. how you will bring me to eat my fabourite food.
10. how you enver say no to me when i ask favours from you though you always nag at me.
11. how when i request gifts from you, you would always give it to me if its withing your means.
12. when i always tell you i have no money, you would always give me what you have.
13. how sometimes you would volunteer to cook mee pok for me.
14. how you always tell me you're going genting with mama and i will whine at the fact tht you leave me alone in spore.
15. how during cny you make me go hme for reunion and then give me the best reunion dinner like how i enevr had.
16. how we would always watch variety tv shows together.
17. i rmbr the first movie you brought me to. i was very reluctant to go watch it with you. but now i mrbr, oceans 11. its a big hit in the movies now you knw dad?
18. how everytime when tht woman makes chilli you always save me some.
19. how you always save me food when you knw i love them.
20. how you aleways wait for me to go hme before you slp even if it means to wiat for me till 4 or 5 in the morning. (im so going to miss this.)
21. the time when i was hospitalized, you rush me to the hospital.
22. you came immediately to pick me up when i told you i wnat to go hme.
23. you never fail to pick me up from whenever i am even if its very far for you. especially when its super late.
24. how when i slp nxt to you, you'll always cover the blanket on me when i kick it away.
25. how when i was in secondary sch you will walk me down to the lift when im scared.
26. never fail to buy breakfast for me when i was in secondary sch.
27. make it a point to come back and have dinner with me back then.
28. try to talk to me and listen to my complains and dreams although most of the time i never achieve it.
29. i still rmbr how proud of me you were when i passed my O lvls. you were the only one.
30. how when i need you to be there for me you're always there.
31. when everyone was disappointed with me, you stood by me still.
32. no matter how angry you still believed and love me very much.
33. you always give me the best tht you have.
34. im always the first on your mind and i feel love.
35. i rmbr how you cried when you were worried sick for me when i was sent to ttsh back in my poly days.
36. you always tell me to get the right guy. how i shldnt fall right in but look after myself.
37. always tell me what's right and wrong, but i always take it for granted.
38. give me the trust any parent can give even despite the fact of me lying to you on several occassion.
39. on my 19th bday you were planning for my 20th and also my 21st.
40. you never fail to wish me happy bday right smack at 12mn.
41. during my first mission trip you were there to support me.
42. i love the smile on your face when i bought you gifts.
43. the first and the last time i gave you money when i got my pay. (now i cant anymore.)
44. the occassional hugs i always give to you. i wished i hugged you more.)
45. how you always held my hand even till recent years. i like the feeling of being secured.
46. how i always slp in your car when you drive me around.
47. you fetching me to sch especially when im late.
48. you coming to sch just to pass me money or stuffs i forgot to bring.
49. coming to mama hse to see me when i dont go hme.
50. you scolding and hanging up on me.
i can go on and on and i will enver end. i hope you see it dad. i rrly miss you. why didnt i dream of you just yet? im depending so much on the ppl around em now tht you're gone. dad, do you think of me too now tht you're up there?
94 days since you left me. i havent been over to see you and yes im guilty. dad do you miss me? cause i do alot.
i miss how you would
1.always call me to ask what time im reaching hme.
2.call to ask me to get things done for you. (which i will sulk doing it but now tht i want to i cant anymore)
3. how you would always scold me if i dont wnat to go to church.
4. call me to go for family gatherings and make it compulsory for me.
5. how you call me and talk to me in tht ver stern voice of yours
6. how you would talk to me at ngiht abt kor kor and your probs with tht woman.
7. how sometimes you wouldtell me da ku is cookign my favourite bee hoon and ask me hme to eat.
8. how you always ask if im coming hme tht weekend and i will say no because i wnat to stay at mama's. i shld have went hme more often.
9. how you will bring me to eat my fabourite food.
10. how you enver say no to me when i ask favours from you though you always nag at me.
11. how when i request gifts from you, you would always give it to me if its withing your means.
12. when i always tell you i have no money, you would always give me what you have.
13. how sometimes you would volunteer to cook mee pok for me.
14. how you always tell me you're going genting with mama and i will whine at the fact tht you leave me alone in spore.
15. how during cny you make me go hme for reunion and then give me the best reunion dinner like how i enevr had.
16. how we would always watch variety tv shows together.
17. i rmbr the first movie you brought me to. i was very reluctant to go watch it with you. but now i mrbr, oceans 11. its a big hit in the movies now you knw dad?
18. how everytime when tht woman makes chilli you always save me some.
19. how you always save me food when you knw i love them.
20. how you aleways wait for me to go hme before you slp even if it means to wiat for me till 4 or 5 in the morning. (im so going to miss this.)
21. the time when i was hospitalized, you rush me to the hospital.
22. you came immediately to pick me up when i told you i wnat to go hme.
23. you never fail to pick me up from whenever i am even if its very far for you. especially when its super late.
24. how when i slp nxt to you, you'll always cover the blanket on me when i kick it away.
25. how when i was in secondary sch you will walk me down to the lift when im scared.
26. never fail to buy breakfast for me when i was in secondary sch.
27. make it a point to come back and have dinner with me back then.
28. try to talk to me and listen to my complains and dreams although most of the time i never achieve it.
29. i still rmbr how proud of me you were when i passed my O lvls. you were the only one.
30. how when i need you to be there for me you're always there.
31. when everyone was disappointed with me, you stood by me still.
32. no matter how angry you still believed and love me very much.
33. you always give me the best tht you have.
34. im always the first on your mind and i feel love.
35. i rmbr how you cried when you were worried sick for me when i was sent to ttsh back in my poly days.
36. you always tell me to get the right guy. how i shldnt fall right in but look after myself.
37. always tell me what's right and wrong, but i always take it for granted.
38. give me the trust any parent can give even despite the fact of me lying to you on several occassion.
39. on my 19th bday you were planning for my 20th and also my 21st.
40. you never fail to wish me happy bday right smack at 12mn.
41. during my first mission trip you were there to support me.
42. i love the smile on your face when i bought you gifts.
43. the first and the last time i gave you money when i got my pay. (now i cant anymore.)
44. the occassional hugs i always give to you. i wished i hugged you more.)
45. how you always held my hand even till recent years. i like the feeling of being secured.
46. how i always slp in your car when you drive me around.
47. you fetching me to sch especially when im late.
48. you coming to sch just to pass me money or stuffs i forgot to bring.
49. coming to mama hse to see me when i dont go hme.
50. you scolding and hanging up on me.
i can go on and on and i will enver end. i hope you see it dad. i rrly miss you. why didnt i dream of you just yet? im depending so much on the ppl around em now tht you're gone. dad, do you think of me too now tht you're up there?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
father's day came and left. father's day was different this year. no need to shop for gift or head out to have dinners. no more hearing you thank me for the little gift i get you sometimes. i miss you this fathers day. but i hope you liked the orchids we bought. i hope the small little flowers will put a smile on your face like how every year you would smile at me and say 'thank you'.
i graduted with a diploma dad. im a diploma holder now. i can still vividly rmbr how proud you were of me when i told you my o'lvl results. how happy you were tht i passed. although i disappoint you so many times in my poly years, but you never gave up on me. you've never said you had enough of me. neither have you chased me away. you sacrificed so much for me but it took me to realise it only now. im sorry. im sorry i took you for granted. im sorry tht i never told you i love you face to face. i missed you dad. i rrly do.
did you see me walked up stage to get my diploma? did you see me dad? i hope you did. cause you were suppose to be there among the audiences. you were suppose to be there cheering on me at the fact tht your daughter graduated. i hope i made you proud. i hope somehow you didnt left with any regrets. go in peace okay daddy. im good. so is kor kor and everyone else. (:
i knw you're watching over me. (:
i love you.
father's day came and left. father's day was different this year. no need to shop for gift or head out to have dinners. no more hearing you thank me for the little gift i get you sometimes. i miss you this fathers day. but i hope you liked the orchids we bought. i hope the small little flowers will put a smile on your face like how every year you would smile at me and say 'thank you'.
i graduted with a diploma dad. im a diploma holder now. i can still vividly rmbr how proud you were of me when i told you my o'lvl results. how happy you were tht i passed. although i disappoint you so many times in my poly years, but you never gave up on me. you've never said you had enough of me. neither have you chased me away. you sacrificed so much for me but it took me to realise it only now. im sorry. im sorry i took you for granted. im sorry tht i never told you i love you face to face. i missed you dad. i rrly do.
did you see me walked up stage to get my diploma? did you see me dad? i hope you did. cause you were suppose to be there among the audiences. you were suppose to be there cheering on me at the fact tht your daughter graduated. i hope i made you proud. i hope somehow you didnt left with any regrets. go in peace okay daddy. im good. so is kor kor and everyone else. (:
i knw you're watching over me. (:
i love you.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
i moved on with life. i tried so hard to not think about you. to not let your absence affect me. but its hard. everytime im alone, i will think about it. why of all time do you ahve to leave me now? why at the time when everything was going so smoothly? why at the point of time when im opening up and proving to you tht i'll be obedient? why dont you give me the chance to show it to you. to let you kwn tht i will listen to you. to do whatever you want me to.
dad. do you knw, im hired. im hired into the events company tht i told you about. im hired with a rather good pay. do you knw tht ive been telling myself how must i want to be a filial daughter? how much i want to be able to provide you with the best tht i can. just like how you have sacrificed for me when you are still around. dad. can you hear me at all? can you hear the times i spoke to you? i miss you. and i cant express how much i miss you. but i do. i rrly do. im upset at the fact tht i dont have much things around me to remind me of you. but i knw these memories tht you have left me with, holds a a special palce. and yes, i will never EVER forget how much you loved me. i love you dad.
im glad i managed to celebrate your bday with you last year. but damn i didnt celebrate christmas with you. i blame myself for the fact tht i always put others ebfore you. how i always take for granted tht you will always be around. now i regret. but its all too late. i cant turn back time anymore. i cant bring you back. i miss you dad. man i keep repeating this.
as you watch down on me, i hoep you see how i am happy with my job. how i will still continue to be the good and obedient daughter you want me to be. dad. come visit me soon okay. i have so much to tell you. so so so much. i dont care how others can laugh at my stupidity. but please, i rrly want to see you.to the greatest man, i love you very much.
your loving daughter.
jasmine.
i moved on with life. i tried so hard to not think about you. to not let your absence affect me. but its hard. everytime im alone, i will think about it. why of all time do you ahve to leave me now? why at the time when everything was going so smoothly? why at the point of time when im opening up and proving to you tht i'll be obedient? why dont you give me the chance to show it to you. to let you kwn tht i will listen to you. to do whatever you want me to.
dad. do you knw, im hired. im hired into the events company tht i told you about. im hired with a rather good pay. do you knw tht ive been telling myself how must i want to be a filial daughter? how much i want to be able to provide you with the best tht i can. just like how you have sacrificed for me when you are still around. dad. can you hear me at all? can you hear the times i spoke to you? i miss you. and i cant express how much i miss you. but i do. i rrly do. im upset at the fact tht i dont have much things around me to remind me of you. but i knw these memories tht you have left me with, holds a a special palce. and yes, i will never EVER forget how much you loved me. i love you dad.
im glad i managed to celebrate your bday with you last year. but damn i didnt celebrate christmas with you. i blame myself for the fact tht i always put others ebfore you. how i always take for granted tht you will always be around. now i regret. but its all too late. i cant turn back time anymore. i cant bring you back. i miss you dad. man i keep repeating this.
as you watch down on me, i hoep you see how i am happy with my job. how i will still continue to be the good and obedient daughter you want me to be. dad. come visit me soon okay. i have so much to tell you. so so so much. i dont care how others can laugh at my stupidity. but please, i rrly want to see you.to the greatest man, i love you very much.
your loving daughter.
jasmine.
The Manyou're the man i love most,
the man i treasure.the man i care for,
the man that gives me pleasure.
the man that loves me unconditionally,
the man that never fails to pamper me continuously.
i made you upset far too many times.
and i know i disappoint you countless times.
but dad i love you from the bottom of my heart
and i will miss you now that we're far apart.
so, fret not daddy cause God is with you
i'm sure you're happy now, in paradise and riches too.
go in peace dad and do not worry,
cause God has taken care of everything, so just be happy.
this is the last picture i took with you and it was so long ago. christmas 06. now i regret not taking more pictures with you. im sorry.
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